Ladies, take a stand for your life.

Surround yourself with people that support your heart, not pick at it and and tear it apart.

Honor your own talents and assets and never look to anyone to validate them for you.

Set goals and stick to them in service to your personal growth and welfare.  Don’t let others define your life for you.

Remember you have all the inner knowing to answer any questions you need answered.

People will say cruel things to you but remember they are simply projections of their own pain and insecurity.

Practice detachment from people’s unwanted and unsolicited opinions of who you are, what you do.

Listen to your heart.

Speak kindly to your soul.

Stay true to yourself.

Align with Love.

BE yourself.

There was a time, not too long ago, that I thought I had to be driven and passionate.  I had to be enthusiastic and energized if I wanted to be what people wanted or needed from me whether it was clients, children, friends or parents.  I thought I had to control people’s thought’s of me so they would see that I had it “all together” and that I wouldn’t cause them suffering.

I now see that I wasn’t allowing others the privilege of their own process.  In a way I was trying to cut others “off at the pass” so they didn’t have to see my everyday challenges and suffering.  IF they suffered then I would suffer and I just couldn’t handle that.  I was too sensitive to feel those feelings.  So, what did I do instead?  I pulled myself up by my mental and emotional bootstraps, took a deep breath and started my day.  I’d hit the floor in the morning, put on my mask of “everything is fine”, eat my breakfast of “hey, what can I do to control your experience of me?”, then I was off and running!

I wondered why by 9:00 at night I felt drained, depleted and just plain ole shut down.  I’d have to quietly leave family members to go upstairs, slink into bed with my face unwashed and teeth unbrushed,  and get into a fetal position just to have the mental space to defuse. “Read a good book before bed?”, nope, wasn’t an option.  I just needed mental white space to “not feel”.

I’m a work in progress.  No one changes until they are tired of suffering. I was very tired and my suffering was debilitating. I certainly didn’t have all pistons running. In fact my life was primed for a major overhaul. I was exhausted.

My new motto: be still, be gentle, be real.  Just saying these words out loud is tough for me.  I can almost feel myself mentally shying away from them.  I see myself looking at this new motto of mine with one hand over my eyes, fingers opening just a bit to see if the words are really saying what that are.  Can I do this? Can I let myself be still?  Can I have gentle and tender thoughts about myself before all others?  Can I be unabashedly, authentically me?  Lastly can I allow everyone, family, clients and friends, to experience their own challenges and learning without empathic ME trying to rescue and make everything okay for them at the expense of my own mental and emotional health?  Answer:  I can, I must and I will.  This is my commitment to myself and I’m worth it. Ready or not, here I go . . .

Are you being too hard on yourself?  I mean, really? When was the last time you thought to yourself you are enough just as you are?  Do you rush through life saying to yourself, “if I can just accomplish this or that then I’ll be the person I’ve always wanted to be and I will be content and fulfilled.  If I just do more, then I will be financially set, have infinite friends, and have inner peace”. Go, go, go . . . rush, rush, rush . . . do, do, do.

If you were to replace this limited belief with a more health-giving thought, what would it say?

First I want to tell a little story.  A couple of years ago I attended an all-day annual meeting. I walked in the front door of the building just in time to see my friend Maureen walk by.  Not only is she a friend but she is also the secretary/treasurer of this particular conference.  I gave her a big, warm hug, looked into her eyes and said, “Oh, Maureen, thank you for all you do”.  I thought I was doing a really good thing by telling her how much I appreciate all she does for this special day.  Boy, was I wrong!  She, with sadness in her eyes, said, “Pam, please don’t love me for all I do . . . . just love me”. Wow, I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me.  I was completely speechless.  Her words had stopped me in my tracks.  Maureen had gifted me with her reply and retort.  It went directly to my soul and I have used this learning over and over again through the years. “Don’t love me for all I do . . . . just love me“.

You are not want you do.  You are much, much more that that!  My friend and I have since talked about that statement of hers, “just love me”.  Maureen just wanted to be loved independent of her accomplishments. Her need was simply to be identified as the precious child of God.  To see someone’s essence and soul is the greatest gift we can give someone. If I loved her for just what she did then that love would be called conditional loving.

So today give it a try!  Just love for the sake of loving!  Love everyone not because of what they’ve accomplished.  Love them simply because they exist as a unique and individual expression on Love.  They don’t have to earn our love.  And while you’re at it . . . . . love yourself!  Yes, love yourself tenderly, completely, unconditionally.  That’s exactly how Love, love’s us and that is enough!

Today I woke up thinking about how much I love my dad.  He’s going to be 90 years young this year!  I think about him a lot and I cherish the feeling I have of him when I’m either with him or thinking of him.  He is a different man now then when I was a child.  He is tender, immensely caring and so, so funny.  I love his heart.  His family means everything to him.  He gives and gives and then gives some more of himself. He still gets down on the ground and wrestles with my 20 something children and never forgets their birthdays.  All the grandkids affectionately call him Grumpy Gramps.  He gave himself that name. My dad has a not-so-attractive habit of self-deprecation.

Let it be known I love my dad with my whole heart.  Do I let this day pass without telling him?  I’ve done that so many days in my past.  I think to myself, “I’ll call him tomorrow, I’ve got a lot of work to accomplish today”.  Or, “he knows how much I love him, I’ll get to it later”.  Wait a minute! Stop!  I say to myself, “pick up the phone or write him a love note to tell him you love him and that you are grateful and blessed to have him in your life. Don’t wait another minute!  Just open your heart and love the people in your life that mean so much. Let them know that they are precious, needed, loved and cherished”.

All we have is this moment.  Will you choose today to reach out to someone you love?  Will you allow yourself the holiness of this moment?  Think of the person receiving your call.  Does is bring delight to your soul to hear the pleasure in their voice. I know it does mine.

I must go now.  I have a phone call to make. “Hello dad, this is Pam.  I just want to tell you how much I love you. You mean the world to me”.